The secret to becoming your best self isn’t about striving, improving, or perfecting. It’s about dissolving the idea of ‘becoming’ altogether. Have no fixed identity so you can be anyone. But don’t try to be anyone. The moment you try, you fail.
Realization 1: Do it for the Love of Doing
Run because you love running — not because there’s a standard to meet. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “I must run at 30 km/h to be a great runner.” If you love running, just run. If you naturally feel like running faster, do it. If you feel like slowing down, do that too. And if you don’t feel like running at all, don’t run. There’s no rule saying you must. Love is the only compass. If you truly love something, you’ll get better at it without even realizing it — on your own terms, at your own pace.
Conversations work the same way. Talking to people isn’t about mastering techniques or calculating responses. It’s about enjoying the moment. If you’re constantly worried about saying the right thing or making a perfect impression, you miss the conversation itself. Just be present. If you’re having fun, your natural energy will take care of the rest. Sure, you might notice little ways to improve over time — just like how a runner may naturally pick up speed — but those changes happen effortlessly, without force. The moment you try too hard to be liked, to be impressive, to “communicate well,” you lose the very thing that makes interactions meaningful: authenticity.
Realization 2: The Paradox of Effortless Adaptability
Don’t try to become someone. Instead, immerse yourself so fully in the present moment that you automatically become the best person for that situation. If I’m talking to a CEO, I don’t need to act like someone who belongs in that conversation. If I’m genuinely interested, asking sincere questions, and enjoying the exchange, I will naturally respond in the right way. No pretense, no calculated persona — just effortless alignment. If I’m in a village speaking to a local woman, I don’t force my intellect or try to be superior. I absorb the village’s rhythm, its way of life. I forget who I am in the city and simply be where I am. When I am nobody, I can be anybody. And when you let go of who you think you should be, serendipity takes over.
Realization 3: When you don’t try to perform, you perform the best
I saw this play out recently at an offsite. I went in with no agenda, no pressure to perform — just an open mind and a willingness to embrace whatever came my way. Whether it was an impromptu presentation, a spontaneous karaoke session where I had no clue what I was singing in front of folks from more than 10 nationalities who just started knowing me, or the pool where I jumped without a second thought to be part of the “reignite your inner child” activity. I just did it for the fun of it. And interestingly, that’s when I was at my best. I couldn’t have performed better if I had rehearsed for days or strategized to impress anyone. I was in the “maze karo” (just have fun) mindset, and it worked.
Realization 5: Experiential realizations are the strongest ones
What I realized so far is no longer a belief — It’s a knowing. I have known it myself by experiencing it firsthand. This isn’t something I need to convince myself of anymore. I’ve lived it. I’ve seen how much better things flow when I stop trying to force an outcome. So, if I had to distill my evolving mantra for life, it would be this: Have fun. Responsibly.
Parth Choudhury 